First of all, I'm very sorry, Yiyuan and Jer. I can't do those things now. Pretty busy.

I'm starting to worry! Ah! I hope tomorrow's EL Paper will go alright. I seriously hope so. And then Now Mrs W wants me to peform for some arts event. Ahh! I think I wanna back out la. It's 20th October. Where the hell can I find time to choreograph? Even so, where can I find time to practise it? Haiz.

Nevertheless, I still luRve my life as much.

Even though it seems all so rotten now. But WTF. I don't care. Haha.

Good luck to all the PHS people! Hehe.
And I hope to not lose sleep tonight.

And Thanks: Wis, for your cartwheels haha.
Chia gek. Gd luck too.

That shadow turned smaller and smaller. Went further and further away. From me.

I simply luRve my life all too much now. LOL.

And Stel, my life is not ruined just because of some freakin' you know who.

Hah. Infact it's the "perfectest" life ever. Even though, THAT happened. But well, I'm so sluggish and slacky now. That my first paper is on Friday. And here I am, at the computer, trying to figure out howI should make the layout of Jer's blogskin. I'm worried. I'm very sure. I'm worried. But I just can't make myself study. Bad habit. LOL. But does it make the difference of studying now and the night before? I believe what Chia Gek said was true. We study to get the results and if we don't study we don't get the results. It's so damned no point at all. But. What's the use of complaining? Like it's ever gonna change. Hehe.

Guess what? I'm become so much of a basketball addict. I'm crazy. I played in the morn on Saturday. Then again at night after I bought my superb $18.90 Nike ball which is so bouncy. LOL. I played with my sis la. Then I played again the following morn with the same people. As in Wx, Jl and Hy. Hah. And then I went for training. I DO feel like a wonder woman now. LOL. Although it was tiring I still lurvred it la. Then played it again just now with wis, Jl and Crystal. Tired. Sleepy. But I wanna finish reading Geography today. And there goes my sleep. Haha. Jer's blogskin will just have to wait. Who asked him to ask for it when my exams are coming? LOL.

I am feeling great now. I DID need a change of character. I know and my attitude is terrible. I MUST change. I swear man. I felt so great after a day of little change. I'm sure I can go on and jia you on this. Hehe. Ganbatte!

He crushed THAT can. I could only look. And realised that THAT wasn't everything.

Stupid. I feel like strangling myself. Why do I always have to do it even though I know it's wrong?!

I stupidly cried. Not because I was angry at her. I was angry at myself. For making her sad. Why the hell did I have to do that?! Stupid. And I just spoiled the whole mood by doing that. I hate myself. She asked me if I wanted the thing after that. But I rejected. And she offered to buy the basketball right then. But I rejected it too. I feel as if making her guilty. But I really couldn't accept it. It's too much for me to take. And as for now. I'm feeling stupidly guilty. And. I guess I shall just buy the bball myself.

Saw Hy just now. I tried to give some smile la. And shouted "Lan qiu" [Rotten ball] at him. LOL. Whichever ball he hold isn't gonna be any good ball. Sigh. This brings me back to that time when we played basketball. Justea. Hah.

Seriously. I really don't want him to go. I know it's selfish. But I want him to be around. Just like how it used to be. But. Even if he's not going to come back. At least. At least. I still wanna talk to him. Like how it used to be.

Seriously. I hate myself.

I have an AP I know. Yet I can't do a thing to change. I often act impulsively. Really. I wish to apologize to those whom I've offended through my impulsiveness. I just have no control over myself.

Feeling pretty lethargic today. Headache now. Didn't play basketball today. Went for a movie with my cousin, aunt and mom instead. Nice. Haha. Then I cried again. Don't know for what. I'm too emotional. Maybe. Hah. Actually, I'm not revising. And I cannot revise and I will not be revising until the thirteenth hour. That, I'm very sure ar. I'm slacking and slacking again.

I hope exams come quickly. And go as quickly. I wanna play! and slack! Like I'm not now. But...ya... I can't do it without guilt now. Feeling guilty all the time. Heh.

Hopefully I can try to hold on to what I already have. I don't wanna lose touch. Somehow. I just can't make myself move on without looking back. Hehe. But I guess I'm gonna go ahead. No matter what lies there.

Remembrance. Bballer-* skippin' girl-*

Yay! Done up my very own blogskin!

Hope it's nice. Spent my whole afternoon doing it. Basically, I took the pictures from my collection. Most was from my time spent with the X-Jump! members. I miss them! I hope we can get together soon again. So I sort of like picked out from my beautiful memories and put it up lor. It's looks quite similar to my previous blogskin. But I swear I changed alot of the HTML. LOL. That's why it took so long. =).

Yesterday was yet another great day. Went to hardcourt for basketball and badminton. Fun. Then rushed to school for I Not Stupid 2. I sort of cried throughout the movie. Hah. I guess it was too related to me la. Everything is so realistic. Haha... didn't regret rushing to school with Stel.

Didn't go for training today. I had been doing Maths. Ansd sticking at the screen. Sigh. Exams coming. Need to work hard. But I'm still sticking at the screen. Lol. Bad habit.

Most of us think holding on makes us stronger. But sometimes, it's letting go.

Had a great Mid-Autumn gathering I guess. Sigh. Was kinda happy until I got home and got myself into some situation I cannot comprehend. I was kinda stumped and stared at the screen for few moments. Before I finally realised how hard it was. To get him to talk to me again.

Went Wx's house at about 6++ sang karaoke. Hehe. Then enjoyed lots in playing her piano too. Then finally went down to SPS and dinner at 313 and meeting the gang. Went back to Wx's house to get the ball. Henry played the piano. Envy. Heh. Then helped Wx searched for the ball. Couldn't find it until awhile later. Xd called and told me about the movie thing. Damn frustrating. Why don't they just tell us earlier instead of confusing us? Stupid. Stel's going la. And I'm going. So it doesn't matter now.

Sat at the fourth floor carpark. They played candles. We chit-chatted. Although it was quite boring. I was enjoying the presense of every single person there. It was a very nice feeling. Sitting in a save place, watching your close friends do their things. I really really enjoyed it alot. Oh yeah. And before that, we were at the hard court ar. Played Captain's Ball as for usual. Great and everything was still the same. Even my "best" partner in the game was still the same. Hehe. It was quite fun. Had the taste of the old times. I missed it. Lots. Just like how I missed the old trainings. That smile.

I better get it off my head. It's gonna be easy. NOT. Not when I see some Monfort guy every single morning going to school. Not when I have so many things around that can trigger my thoughts. Not when I can remember so many things he did. Not when there're so many places that reminds me. Not when I'm still skipping. Not when I can't forget how beautiful that smile is. It's just so hard. Maybe it's because I refuse to move on. Maybe it's because I didn't want to walk out of my Fairytale land. But does it even matter? At all?

Stupid. Everytime I ask if it matters. But everytime I knew. It did. It mattered all too much. Maybe when I've walked far enough, I'll realise that I AM foolish. Sigh. I just don't know when this is going to end. Who knows if I'd wake up tomorrow morn and already forget them all? LOL. It's really pointless. But I need to vent it. Haha. Maybe that's why I'm here.

I was kinda stumped. When I ask "him" if he was coming back. He showed me a weird face. But I went on I ask him, "you will right?" and then, I tried to ensure that he was not leaving the sport. But I got another emoticon. I was kind of stunned. But before I could make him promise, he gone off. Which actually sets me thinking if he was trying to avoid answering. And now, I just hope everything will be alright.

That's when I realised, how hard it is to talk to you again.

Haven't been bloggin for a long long time. I've been busy okae? Hah.

Too much work too little time. Probably because I've been very sluggish and have been sitting in front odf this machine like I had no work to do. That is. Very excusable actually. Considering the account on I just got my photoshop yesterday! LOL. Then had to finish Yiyuan's proposal. I think I wanna complain. But it's okae la. Something for the school. And now, I'm at home having some stupid cramps but still sticking onto the machine. How bad can it get? No worse. Hah.

YES! Finally able to find Mediator book 6 Twilight. Great. he story has ended. Oh man and it was so touching. So nice... Am so glad that I went to the library yesterday. And then, Ah Yin Jie jie going to Thailand tonight! Aww. Meaning no one to accompany me for meals anymore =(. LOL. I'm so so so, tired. Sigh. 2 weeks to exam. Like HOW, am I supposed to finish revising? No way. Guess I'll just have to do it my way. Like study the night before. Works for me. But all the info will be wiped away right after the exam. But do I look like I freaking care? I don't.

For now, I might as well think about how fun it's gonna be with my ex-classmates at 306 for Mid-Autumn. I look forward to it. Really forward.

It's not about getting there at all. But all about how it started from a spark to a fire and then... ashes.

Oh man... Like I "pledged" to finish my work today. But I erm... I'm sitting here playing games. Great. How GREAT can that be? LOL. But seriously, I never panic until the last hour. It's REALLY the LAST hour. Hah.

Oh well, I'm gonna do it soon okae. Just alittle while more =). Piano lesson today was a disaster man. I played so badly. Mistakes here and there. She still said it was good -_-". But I'll take her words for the truth. Hehe.

Gotta go Stel's house tomorrow after training. Who ask me to tell Yi yuan I can help him design the tix? LOL. Nevermind. My pleasure to help. *Shouldn't have rejected his offer to put me into his comittee...* Hee! No la kidding. It's an honour to be able to do something for the concert la. Some more it's designing, with my DARLING photoshop! =). HAHA!

Stel! You're gonna luRve me so much man!

Hehe. Had fun the whole holiday! Gonna post some pics here!

My Bowl of Laksa [Cooked by Stel and I]

Stel acting cute again. Sigh. [Hehe]

Me, Krix and Stel! The mess we made in Xiao Di's room. =)

Haha. I took a couple of Xd and Krix's together photo also. But they're not meant to be shown Hee. Okae I Guess that's all ba... =). I'll be back soon!

"I'm innocent! I was just so tempted to click on it. But I realised that it wouldn't be how it used to be."

Shoot. It's Thursday. I've slacked so much. Sigh.

It's always like that. It has always been like that. And will always be like that. Wtf. I'm even starting to talk about nothing.

Somehow I have sudden thoughts. How can a boy in such a "perfect" family become like that? I mean what's SO wrong in his life that have made him that way? At first when I heard about the news, I thought it wasn't that bad. But now I had seen it, it was really very convincing. I was so shocked. Really shocked. I don't know what happened to him man... It was so scary. I think. Someday, he'd really regret. He had disappointed his parents. I think it's so sad. Haiz.

Tuesday and Wednesday was proj. days so didn't have time to do anything else. I feel so guilty for spending my time without thinking man. The Earth is spinning much too fast. Haha.

K Box anyone?

I realised I so much needed someone to rely on. But I'm strong.

Today was kinda great. Went for choir got surprise audition. Man.

Hehe. Tried recording more songs but they sort of sound yucky la. So... erm.. yeah... Then Finally posted my first chapter. Lastly I had some inspirations for writing some lyrics. I'll try later. Abit slacking in piano and skipping now. Stupid. I'm like so I don't know what.

Sia!! I'm so envious in your polo tee. You know you don't have to purposely send me a MMS to show me right? LOL. Nice!

Audition was Hear The Music. So lucky got auditioned in small groups. Kinda scary. Hehe. Okae fine. I think for the rest of the week would be busy for proj. work and homework. Then like now, I've waste done whole day doing nothing la. So kind of can't forgive myself you know. But hehe. I don't really care la. It's always been like that when holidays come. LOL. PLay first, talk about work later. And it's not even DO work later. It's TALK ABOUT work later. LOL. Nevermind.

Then went SP for dinner. Wis spotted and and was like sticking at the glass from outside at mac's. LOL. But I still noticed him. Hehe. Gym until so late? LOL. Fine.

geu dael don da myeon... If you were here tonight...

Woot! My mommy bought me an ipod shuffle!!! And I'm doing stupidly crazy things at this hour.

Hee. Went to some IT fair yesterday. Bought a Finepix camera and my ipod shuffle! So shiok... spend so much money. =P. LOL. Then also bought wallet and more! LOL. Went Suntec convention hall there then go shop around suntec mall too. Kinda recalled things. But doesn't really matter la. Then went to Marche for dinner! So cute, that place. The food is damn nice too!

Today went training. As for normal triples and power moves. No, I'm not getting bored. I'm still full of interest. And I still have that passion burning okae. Hehe. It was so fun doing "popping" too! Then coach didn't appear. LOL. I was kind of happy for that.

Then kind of tried to finish my chapter just now. But had too many distractions la. So managed to do 3/4 of it =). Okae fine. Stel, I'm zi lian, so what? I like to sing and I'm proud to sing okae? LOL. I just used some music editing software and deleted the vocals and recorded my singing. It's quite okae la. The first one was yucky. But the second one was better =). Yiyuan I like your song! LOL. Oh.. and thanks Jer for the wonderful music software. I simply luRve it! Hee.

为何要在疼爱我的时候才对我说离开我 都是为我好。

Last day of school before Sept hols. And as for usual. I was kinda normal today. No break outs and whatever. I didn't talk alot today too.

Bad thing is. I feel that I have more and more bad remarks on one person la. Actually what I think doesn't matter that much. Not like that person care. LOL. Now I think that person's starting to hate me. But do I look like I freakin' care? No.

I'm turning mad la. I'm just so mad. Mad as in ANGRY. I'M SO ANGRY. Stel, don't ask me why. Because I'm not gonna tell you. LOL. Like real. I don't wanna give a freakin' damn anymore okae. Die all you want. I wouldn't care. Even if you pour kerosene over yourself and start a fire, I won't save you! [LOL, that emoticon.] I won't even look like I freaking care! Go ignore me all you want. I'm not gonna give a damn. Keep me in suspense all you want. I'm not gonna stay THERE anymore. I'll go away. Who cares if you get killed or not?

Ah... feeling better. I think I'm abit psycho already. **Gulps. I seriously, desperately need photoshop! Anyone with it? STELLA SONG, I WILL wipe that grin off your face. I know you'd be when you're reading this. Well. Anyway. I've been feeling calmer. As in more quiet in a way I always become when something big happens to me.

Gonna keep writing fictions to keep me in fairyland. =). Now I have to write new forewords for "My Unprecedented Destiny" as I lost the paper I had written. And stating on a new one "`Struggle." Check it out if you can la. Hah. Guess the URL =P.

Fine. Let me shut up.

Yesterday went back to SPS to visit teachers. Shan't elaborate on the first part la. Just that Some OM of their's is... erm. Damagingly annoying. Anyway met some of my friends. Was kind of happy I guess. They didn't change much ar. Squabbled around like usual then was erm... I don't know la. Had fun. It was great to talk to them again la.

Was like trying to conference at 12am. But the phone didn't work, couldn't conference so I started to try to sleep ar. Then surprise call at 12++, Shadiq called. He's back la. I was sleepy then like abit blur, kept making him repeat the things he said ar. Saw him in school too.

Stupid. I'm feeling so lazy to blog. That I don't feel like elaborating anything.

The trust's still there with every other bit of the feelings I put in. But I should've known that it wouldn't have an ending. I tried to believe that there was still hope but was there really any? I really wanna move on but I was still gripping on. So tightly. I know it's wrong. And I wanna make it right.

I told you I was gonna be there. And I'll still be there. Don't you believe me anymore?
Broken.