went out with eviltwin for dinner. went to coffeebean thereafter 'cause i felt like it. then went to the newly built garden. god, they have swings.

and we two, like two little kids swung and swung, screaming and all. lol. it was really raised my mood and it was great to feel the wind blowing against your face lurh. i guess it should become my new indulgence. haha. saw a bball court. damn! i wanted to play lurh. had a kind of craving. but haven't brought my ball out. so too bad. sigh. started talking about crazy stuffs and stuffs i thought i wouldn't even try to mention anymore. but it felt great to tell tales. or rather tale-like-situations. so sat at the void deck of one of the blocks. was cold and rainy. lol. learnt alittle more about each other. went to macs' aft that.

reached home not very long ago. hmm. sometimes i hate nights. because it just reminds me how much i have not done. and how much i should have done.. hope i can drag my lazy self to gym tmr. yes, hopefully.

"all the pain is worth remembering, just because of all the wonderful moments."

my own heartwarming video ^^.

201206:

went out with dearie for shopping!! love her loads ^^. my perfect shopping mate. haha. we're those kind which became good friends 'cause we can click. and it's quite hard to find la. so far only know of a few people like that. hmm. bought loads of clothes. err. i changing style ma =x. lol. jk! dearie bought beautiful blue heels! so amtured la. if i wore it. lol. i don't need to be taller anyway =x. LOL. hmm. hmm then went to starbucks when we were both exhausted and sleepy! used vouchers received during carolling but got another voucher again. tsk. that one can only be used in bugis starbucks lurh. haha. had a great day, walked out the blues and bought to my heart's content! hees.

at yoshinoya, dearie!! <3

221206:

gathering with cousins!! hohoho. made a mess in the kitchen with my sissy after i came back from choir and we bought stuffs from NTUC. cooked many many stuffs like golden mushroom and asparagus rolled in salmon, fried stuff, pasta salad, garlic bread dip as well as SASHIMI!! LOL. i made the garlic bread dip! lol. not exactly made la. but that was my biggest contribution, you know, err. i spreaded the garlic spread on all ten pieces of bread and then slice each piece into three? LOL. they loved it! ^^. and we had moscato! omg. the white wine is like so sweet. hehe. hmm. created a mini treasure hunt for them [to find the door gift.. -_-"]. then played 'i've never'. the game which digs at people's secrets and lets you learn more about other people. first the punishment was to drink the wine, then the sparkling juice and in the end, we played till we had to eat fruits and drink plain watter. after that, sherry stayed over. we played worms and monopoly! lol. great night. i love my family =).

the spread of food! [from ah b jie's blog]

the green and red theme! [from ah b jie's blog too!]

HOHOHO! salmon sashimi! sissy arranged it into a rose!

241206:

went gathering at mdm toh's house, met many primary school friends. but somehow felt unfamiliar with them. but still. was great i guess. talked to many i hadn't been talking to. then had a great basketball game with them too. i wasn't really helping my team la. but at least i scored a goal! muahahaha. it's been ages since i've played lurh ^^. i wanna play again soon! then got back down. chatted and ate again.

left for eviltwin's house 'cause she wanted to bathe aft the bball match before proceeding to ed's house. met oneE ppl at the mrt station, jiani gave me gingerbread man and tree [which was actually meant for zongqin, but since he was late... lol..]!! hmm. then aft going to twin's house went to ed's house quite pissed off with some matters not really worth mentioning. yep. went to the NTUC at khatib. wanted to buy some light alchohol lurh. lol. then don't know who to ask sort of thing. lol. still bought in the end. and went to ed's house. we're the only ones there so, watched a little tv, took a little photos and then played 'i've never' [again]. LOL. and within the first few rounds, we've uncovered ed's secret! LOL. okae nevermind. i think twin was the hardest to dig at lurh. LOL. hmm. pizza came aft a while. so we started lurh. and wait for the rest to come. later, played the game again and played other stupid games. lol. found out many interesting stuffs. hmm. that made me think alot these few days. but anyway, was great and things went well unexpectedly i guess. hahas. and ed proceeded to town while they went back home and i went to aunt's house.

reached clementi at about 10++. quite tired lurh. met sissy at the void deck. heard her complain. hmm. talked about somethings which made me think even more. lol. well. when up. ate abit slacked abit and then had a late countdown.. LOL. then exchanged presents. got a parker pen from patsy! ^^. came home with loads of little snacks. haha. i guess this could be one of the most memorable christmas i've had so far.

me, twinnie and hazel!

gingerbread that have no ginger taste! ^^

poor sib waiting for us with all the pressie bags at khatib!

heineken, bacardi and cough syrup xD!

favourite present of the night! oldie mickey, from ed! ^^.

http://www.freewebs.com/four-leaves/slideshow.htm

we always forget the beautiful things in life in hope to get things that we imagine ought to be better. the ravenous nature of beings, the lust of mankind. the thought of knowing what's right yet not being able to correct the mistaken ways. the desire to reach for more, when you really do have more than we need. the need to become better. the knowledge of stuffs that hurts yet still, the want to get near it. life, indeed, complicated. unexplainable.

i think i'm not making sense. but got really loads on my mind. haha.

you, are too naive.

have been thinking alot. feeling too dettached from school life that i don't even think that i'm studying anymore. awful feeling of fear. can't be blogging everything i feel. mood spoiling for people who read lurh. damn. i need a good cry lurh.

would one really be more reserved after being hurt? because of all the effort and attempts and getting nothing in return? is that the reason we shouldn't get into any complicated stuff, now? and the way i feel now? it totally sucks.

"they always say, the first leaves the deepest impression.
the first is the most painful among the rest.
the first has the most impact than subsequent times.
the first is always the most innocent.
the first is often the purest.
and they're right."

this kind of lies aren't funny.

will update soon..

what's wrong with me?

dearie, i promise you! i will do it. [just hope i don't break the promise.]

life is too complicated for one to understand it. and we should just give up trying to know all about life. we should just try to learn all about ourselves and how to change for the better. i'm trying, really. good for all the people around me, good for him and especially good for myself.(: should start sleeping early, since school's starting and this week's gonna be a busy one.

you won't be tired anymore, not needing to run pass my mind every few minutes.

going shopping with dearie on wednesday, can't wait!!!

have a good life hor! i'll be back. takecare(:

well, i know things are gonna be different. and i've held on to the stubborn flashbacks for very long. i will forgo the promises ringing in my head. afterall, all promises were meant to be broken aren't they? so far in my life, i've only ever heard one person who told me this 'i can't promise you what i cannot confirm i would do..' i respect that line. very much. there's not really a right or a wrong in this wonderful-yet-vicious cycle. and i'm not to judge it.

dearie's right. there's not a way to answer every question i have in mind. and why do i even need those answers anymore? they aren't important anymore. and those after-thoughts are just my wishful thinking. it will not happen, at least not in the near future. things i'm confused about, i shall not have answers to. painful it may be. i will win the battle. it's time. to really let it go. Best for me, and you alike.

but the memories, i'll always treasure(:

i cooked the veg!

sumptuous meal..

me, sissy and dad.

lego sweets! can actually be stacked up, so cool!!

my last thirteen hours to think about you. wonder whether you've been well. weather's cold, hope you're taking care of yourself, sleeping early and not having irregular meals. hope you haven't been thinking bad about yourself or ignoring schoolwork. did you know that it was because of your muddle headedness that i was attracted to you? that you were that someone i could talk most comfortably with? i told you i liked the two-pc torch casually and you got it for me. or was that what you felt that you should've done? but it isn't important anymore. i remember the first time i said hi to you face-face at the music room door. The first time i sat beside you during chalet asking you about the money stuffs, chatting with you till dawn, having a hard time to wake you up when you finally fell asleep. i remember you, being so blur that you quickly went away after knowing i wanted fruit juice and not what fruit the first time we ever went out. you, forgetting a library book in the arcade the second time we went out before we got together. the time i forbade you to drink cold drinks and drank yours in big gulps and ended up getting scolded by you saying that i was weak yet i acted strong when i started coughing non-stop. your habit of writing where you're writing the diary. the time we ate takeaway at the canal, me passing a piece of egg tofu to you and it ended up on the ground and us being 'lightbulbs' of the two bangala guys. telling you mushy stuffs that your friend exposed because you didn't close that window. meeting early at mac before sending me to school, wanting to hear the 'magic words'. getting all hot and sweaty in the park, ended up watching a movie. we clicked when we started chatting, when we started calling names. i was always upset that you didn't have much time for me, but i knew other stuff mattered more to you. i always wished you would care more about me. but there aren't anything that perfect on earth i knew. up until that last time we went out, the last time i called you my darling. i sort of expected that things were going wrong. but i found out the unexpected. perhaps i really hadn't knew you at all. if i could, i would wish to know why you hadn't let me know earlier. or if that last thing you added-on to the book was a lie. but whatever it is, i know we'll both have a better life. and this part of my memory will always remain as memories, locked deep in a corner of me. i have given what i could. and i guess this is the greatest gift i can give myself this christmas and the best present for you this birthday. at least we've crossed paths before. that's enough.(:

happy birthday to you. really takecare.

is it because, i'm afraid? that's why i feel this way? if i had forgo it long ago, then why is it coming back to me again and again? why do i let it bother me? those things i can't say. stuffs i can't ask to clear my doubt, to make my last spark of hope die, to make it clear to me. is it because of the acceptance i seek or is it because i really had put in my heart for it? that it now seems that retreating is a better choice for me? grief because i lost something or grief because that something was important to me? i know. i don't have the courage.

yet or not.

to give and receive. wholeheartedly.

not important whether i make any sense or not.

i don't want a lot for christmas~

LOL. twelve days right? twelve wishes lurh.

ONE: everlasting sib-hood with evil sibs!
TWO: i want buu back =(.
THREE: answers to those questions i have no courage to ask. [magic?]
FOUR: motivation whole-year-round next year. [or should this be under newyear wish?]
FIVE: phone line reconnect, new phone. [like my dad said]
SIX: get my piano [like my dad said -- too.]
SEVEN: is a very big secret.

you know, since, nothing can be THAT perfect, which means, even if i had twelve wishes, less than half of them would even be granted. so i shall not waste my effort thinking up for more. err. gonna mess up the kitchen today with my sissy. LOL. gonna update later ^^.

went carolling yesterday. quite an exposure. but really exhausted. i'm glad that i've joined. made friends and knew more about each other. i guess it'll be my first and last =x. lol.

i really need to be out often for fresh air. but i'm always cooped at home, living in my own world, slacking on games, imagining in fictions. hmm. i shall try to finish my work quickly and start to study. i haven't forgotten my goal next year. gonna be hard. but i will try.

silly things occupying my mind. but the brain activity will stop soon i hope. no point brooding over spilt milk. i shall remain on my strong side. there's nothing that i can't take. at least up till now. yep.. hard to let it go.. but i know better.

XINYI: dearie! thanks(: for the heart-heart conv. and for being there, being able to trust me. ILOVEYOU! ^^.

ED: hoho. EVILSIB! thanks for coming round to watch carolling. think it had really bore you. oh well. thanks for the company(: and then there was the pri sch thoughts. alamak. got one question i forgot to ask you! LOL. kae la. hope that you like your blogskin. and WORMS IS FUN!! lol.

all these are just lessons and exploration about to be done.

edit: got this idea from xinyi(:

no motivation for anything at all. slacking like hell and i don't like it. played around with photoshop, got loads more to explore and learn. lazy lurh. got to gather myself up and start bucking up. tsk. hate this feeling.

Too Beautiful for Words Christina Aguilera

When I try to describe
How I feel when you hold me
I get butterflies
I hear lullabies
It's hard to explain
Like the scent of a rose
Or the sound of the rain
It's too precious and too wonderful
To give it a name

Too beautiful for words
A symphony inside me
Too beautiful for words
I can not take them lightly
Can you hear my silent heart

It's on the tip of my tongue
But my lips are still sealed
Only violins
And their innocence
Can show you how I feel

And I hear them again
At the end of the day
I'm all teary eyed
When we kiss goodbye
There's nothing I can say

Too beautiful for words
A symphony inside me
Too beautiful for words, oh
I can not take them lightly
Can you hear my silent heart

Must be a million times
I tried to express this love of mine
When it goes this deep
When it tastes this sweet
It's not easy to define, oh

Too beautiful for words (too beautiful..)
A symphony inside me (a symphony inside of me..)
Too beautiful for words (for words....)
I can not take them lightly

Too beautiful for words (too beautiful oh..)
A symphony inside me (a symphony, oh)
Too beautiful for words (ohh, too beautiful baby)
I can not take them lightly
Can you hear my silent heart

everyone is too sure that they'll have a good ending for the fairytale they created at the start. too sure that they get themselves a whole body of scars and cuts that hurts in the end. but they keep trying. because it's something that nothing else can exchange for. is it worth it? for books and pages of memories incompleted?

i somehow lost the connection.

today is the twelve. thought about many things before i woke up as usual. all the flashbacks and all. fortunately, they don't seem to bite into me alot anymore. but still, i do have to stop thinking about them.

hmm. long time since i posted something to vent my anger huh? there's this. i hate people who spout some vulgarities whenever they open or close their mouth. of course, i don't care what they say. i mean it's their mouth. but it gets super-ly irritating because,
ONE) it is unpleasant to hear.
TWO) it is rude.
THREE) it spoils moods and atmoshperes.
FOUR) it just makes you seem like some ill-raised brat.

and you, i don't know what happened to you. but perhaps you're just trying to make things right. but it won't go right because it has been too wrong for such a long time. i know you're trying. but i'm trying too. it's not going to work if he doesn't try. and think for others. and what is this? dettaching us?

i juat wanna know. had it meant anything to you at all?

SOOO HIGHH NOWW!~

hahas. received all the pics from bastardo and drey! =DD. and then i had been thinking about my friends! and i feel so happy [because i know i'm loved by many =x. just kidding! LOL]. i love them!! all of them(: omg. i'm so high. hmm. now instead of having hard times waking up, everyday i just can't wait to wake up! LOL. crazy me. wake up, get out of the house, go meet my friends, go mad with them! LOL.

carolling 041206 at clarissa's home!

starbucks @ unitedsquare. tired leh! LOL.

us! =D

eviltwins lazing on the sofa [omg. my eyes are getting smaller and my eyebags are horrendous! gonna sleep early already!]

hohoho. me [the QUEEN and SPOILT child =x] forced bastardo to take a nice picture of me and spongebob! =DD.

ed and xy eating!

big mirror again! =D.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!! <3

ps: nicholas! have a safe trip! LOL. dun slack anymore lurh.

troubles troubles and troubles. not me. just that the people around me are having many problems. relationship ones mostly. now i think maybe people like my age are really too young to get into relationships. but still, it's the only time we can still play around and be immature so.. yea. contradicting. lol.

but now, i think it is so superficial. when you're smitten, even lies become the truth. and when u finally dettach from it, you will realize how 'naive' you were. lol. and in the end, you'll still have to move on. and all these become past memories or even lessons. is there possible to have any real substance at all?

lol. just some thoughts. hmm. went for carolling briefing! so lisa is not a scammer! LOL. she's our senior! lol. and i tink she's a soprano! woots. we messed up out singing at starbucks. but well, we're still gonna do the show anyway. and then after she left, we played the 'pass-the-messgae-game' it was so damn funny and we were making a hell lot of noise in starbucks lurh! it's so crazy! but i enjoyed =D. [pictures coming soon! lol] anyway, java chip + mint frappucino [is that how you spell it?] is soooo nice =D. she treated us to drinks! LOL.

bleah. was actually going out with lovies to have dinner 'cause liang is leaving for jarkata on monday. then mommy and daddy cannot! ahhh! go dating lurh! =x. lol. kidding. haha. so have to wait until he comes back. sigh. miss lovies ):

anyway, i HAVE TO: study, mop the floor, buy xmas presents, make xmas cards and play my game! LOL.

edit! :

did this at ed's house ytd! LOL. there was actually supposed to be another 'ed' at the front. but the photo wasn't taken well =(. LOL. nvm, double team also nice right? ^^

PS: please don't deny that i'm brilliant. xD.

hohoho. just came back not long ago from ed's house! i simply LOVE his house!!! i don't mind to switch! lol. spent the day with the EVILSIBLINGS [ed + xyee] LOVES!

dua bai one! LOL. pushing his luggage out the lift.

third floor @ changi airport T1!

i feel like the paparazzi! LOL.

tua pai one @ the place we're supposed to eat, initially.

i look like their daughter. YOUNG!

the place we ended up eating at -_-". LOL.

left-right: xyee, wx, ed, lp, rs. [i'm not in it! i was taking it! ^^]

just earlier, me, addicted to dynasty warrior! =DD.

bastardo and me on his BIGGGGG piece of mirror! =D.

THANKS evilsiblings!! <3s!!

041206 went carolling practice at clarissa's house. lol. funny things happened. practised only a little and i don't know most of the songs. err. can i just cheat through the whole thing? ^^ hehe. couldn't get my HI-card because i didn't have an IC. ): so i shall remain uncontactable! LOL. i didn't go for class chalet for some reasons. reached home later from tgpg, and got called out by buu. went to j8 again to meet her. waited quite long and luckily, mommy and kelvin came alog. so borrowed phone from him then called. had light dinner at sakae(: then went walking awhile before going home. reformatted computer, things went smoothly =DD.

051206 went to airport to fetch bastardo. saw kaiting, inez and henry too. such a coincidence la. went to BK for lunch wx's treat! lol. that girl has been working. didn't have any icecream together though. went to ed's house. omg lurh. his sofa is really lie already can sink down one. xD. actually wanted to have karaoke session. but in the end watched scary movie 4. what a stupid show. =x. damn lame lurh. so slacked until i had to leave for piano lsn. i wanna switch houses with him! =D.

yay~ my com<3's okae!! ((:

i thought we've shared the same liking for reading. the same taste for artistes, the same wish for simplicity. i thought we'd have worked it out. but i have found the truth. and those were just thoughts. my thoughts. so there, i should have no reason to be clinging onto something which i know would never be mine. it's gonna be hard when every other thing reminds me of it. it will be. but i'm ready. it's time to let you go. (:

went out with tw. didn't go out very long. lost the mood after a few hours. i don't know. but it seems like i've been losing energy. i am trying hard to really cheer up. sometimes it's just hard because my mood swings are getting into me. good thing is, she said that i didn't seem as bad as i were in that somewhere-july-august-episode.

but i'm just tired of being sick of doing everything. spent so much money this whole year. feel really bad. but for it i gotta work really hard. really really hard. i don't know. but i'm gonna try.

found it hard to get up this morning. feeling heavy again. guess i've seen too much and it sort of stays in my head. haas.

SINGOUT `06 was GREAT and words can never describe the feelings that i've got through this whole journey, and how i've bonded with fellow choir mates. since so, i shall not elaborate. [reasonexcuse for laziness xD.]

some pictures:

my bubble can't seem to work :(.

sisca and jiyeon! (:

having fun!! =DD.

SINGOUT `06 -- YOUTHTONES. RAWKED!

combined senior choir song: Ah! song -- as told by mr lee. LOL. [Ah! Si mon moine ne voulait danser!]

guest choirs.

PHS choir alumni: HSM -- we're all in this together.

HIHS Girls' dance item: get up? + step 1, 2 ? =x

St Gabs' special item: RESGRESA A MI ACAPELLA! [my favourite item!!! <3. LOL.]

singout~ the lord is near!~~

spot me and drey!! (:

THREE CHEERS! ^^

I <3 SINGOUT!

please view other choir peeps' blogs for more info. LOL.
having many songs ringing in my head. this one's from NYP Escapades:

THINK OF ME

CHRISTINE:
Think of me, think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye
Remember me once in a while please promise me you'll try
When you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me...

We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember, stop and think of me

Think of all the things we've shared and seen
Don't think about the way things might have been...

Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned
Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind
Recall those days. Look back on all those times. Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you...

RAOUL:
Can it be? Can it be Christine? Bravo!
Long ago, it seems so long ago. How young and innocent we were.
She may not remember me, but I remember her...

CHRISTINE:
Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade. They have their season, so do we.
But please promise me that sometimes, you will think of... me!

what i wanna do(: