i have failed myself. and i had never realised how much i hated it...

finally, i realized that everyone has their own troubles and things to worry about. Everyone has about as much as i do or even more. i decided that. i had no rights to whine. i'm counted fortunate. some people may not seems happy as they are and some people may not actually think what they say.

in some situations, both parties may think that they're both victims. but actually they hadn't realized how much they hurt the other party unless being told. they often see only one side of the story. but i think it's alright for the 'starting period' as they may be overcomed by their feelings.

there're always two sides to everything. sometimes it's hard to determind who is right unless you know both sides of the story from both parties. it's hard even to know if what you've been told is the tuth or the effect of extreme feelings.

sometimes i think it's even better to not know what's right and just believe in whatever or whoever you want to. but then again, it would be unfair to the other party. so isn't life weird? it's always making you decide on the hardest things. so why not just die? [okae. this, i'm kidding. i do NOT wish to die yet. xD.]

sigh. it just comes and goes.

you have not faulted.

i didn't do it delibrately okae.

after dinner yesterday. i suddenly felt that i need to talk. seriously need to talk. and i was glad to have someone i could find and could count on. you rock =).

and like i have done everything i could and if that friend of mine doesn't wanna be friends again, it's alright with me. afterall, it's not my fault. and i have already started a conversation. i'm not weak. you are too demanding.

just a BIG thank you for anyone who listened to me. i do appreciate it ALOT.

thanks, bro =DD.

anyway. did i mention that eugene is CUTEE? =)). lol. he has been CUTEE since i knew him =P. i'm not "hua chi-ing". he's just cute okae =x.

My practical exam piece =)).

 

Chia gek and I at the choir chalet. I just took a little longer okae? Hah.

 

love and hatred are indeed two of the most powerful feelings of the world.

the pastor was right. who would want to have enemies instead of friends? who would want to contain hatred instead of love? the words had set me out to think for myself. why would I ever want an enemy when i can have a friend?

and... i've decided to do something good finally. i am gonna reconcile with this friend. because i don't want an enemy and i don't want our friendship to go wasted. it's unfair to the both of us, i guess, okae, at least for me. and the horoscope in my chinese paper said that i should go ahead with what i wanna do without hesitating. LOL. perhaps it's some kind of motivation. hah.

well... i'm gonna try. but in the end the decision doesn't come from me. but i kinda hope that i'll do it before i back out. =/.

she was right. after some thoughts. i so realised that she was right! i was a perfectionist. i wanted everything perfect. even i didn't realised before she told me. anything i did, i will want it to be the best. if i think i didn't make it to the best, i would get frustrated. i'd fuss and i'd lose my temper to myself.

i guess... that was what stressed me when all the projects and school work are coming to me. no one told me i wouldn't make it. i did.

i wish i can just sleep for the rest of my life in one way or another.

i'd prefer to love you in another way.

i think i have a problem.

seriously i do.

i am so worried over nothing everytime. and i'm so sick of it. it's something i can't describe. something that just bugs me. i'm sick of trapping myself in a little box. but why is it coming to me again?

i had dropped everything that bothers me. i hadn't cared much about anything that stresses my up anymore. so why again? singing, listening to songs, fantaszing and gaming doesn't work anymore. what's wrong with me?

why can't i just sleep till i die? sigh. saddening. sure, i have people to talk to. but who would really understand me? and who would i even feel comfortable in talking to? but then again. it's still my fault for not being able to socialize.

i know you'd be there for me. i just know. and i hope so.