is it because, i'm afraid? that's why i feel this way? if i had forgo it long ago, then why is it coming back to me again and again? why do i let it bother me? those things i can't say. stuffs i can't ask to clear my doubt, to make my last spark of hope die, to make it clear to me. is it because of the acceptance i seek or is it because i really had put in my heart for it? that it now seems that retreating is a better choice for me? grief because i lost something or grief because that something was important to me? i know. i don't have the courage.

yet or not.

to give and receive. wholeheartedly.

not important whether i make any sense or not.