well, i know things are gonna be different. and i've held on to the stubborn flashbacks for very long. i will forgo the promises ringing in my head. afterall, all promises were meant to be broken aren't they? so far in my life, i've only ever heard one person who told me this 'i can't promise you what i cannot confirm i would do..' i respect that line. very much. there's not really a right or a wrong in this wonderful-yet-vicious cycle. and i'm not to judge it.

dearie's right. there's not a way to answer every question i have in mind. and why do i even need those answers anymore? they aren't important anymore. and those after-thoughts are just my wishful thinking. it will not happen, at least not in the near future. things i'm confused about, i shall not have answers to. painful it may be. i will win the battle. it's time. to really let it go. Best for me, and you alike.

but the memories, i'll always treasure(:

i cooked the veg!

sumptuous meal..

me, sissy and dad.

lego sweets! can actually be stacked up, so cool!!

my last thirteen hours to think about you. wonder whether you've been well. weather's cold, hope you're taking care of yourself, sleeping early and not having irregular meals. hope you haven't been thinking bad about yourself or ignoring schoolwork. did you know that it was because of your muddle headedness that i was attracted to you? that you were that someone i could talk most comfortably with? i told you i liked the two-pc torch casually and you got it for me. or was that what you felt that you should've done? but it isn't important anymore. i remember the first time i said hi to you face-face at the music room door. The first time i sat beside you during chalet asking you about the money stuffs, chatting with you till dawn, having a hard time to wake you up when you finally fell asleep. i remember you, being so blur that you quickly went away after knowing i wanted fruit juice and not what fruit the first time we ever went out. you, forgetting a library book in the arcade the second time we went out before we got together. the time i forbade you to drink cold drinks and drank yours in big gulps and ended up getting scolded by you saying that i was weak yet i acted strong when i started coughing non-stop. your habit of writing where you're writing the diary. the time we ate takeaway at the canal, me passing a piece of egg tofu to you and it ended up on the ground and us being 'lightbulbs' of the two bangala guys. telling you mushy stuffs that your friend exposed because you didn't close that window. meeting early at mac before sending me to school, wanting to hear the 'magic words'. getting all hot and sweaty in the park, ended up watching a movie. we clicked when we started chatting, when we started calling names. i was always upset that you didn't have much time for me, but i knew other stuff mattered more to you. i always wished you would care more about me. but there aren't anything that perfect on earth i knew. up until that last time we went out, the last time i called you my darling. i sort of expected that things were going wrong. but i found out the unexpected. perhaps i really hadn't knew you at all. if i could, i would wish to know why you hadn't let me know earlier. or if that last thing you added-on to the book was a lie. but whatever it is, i know we'll both have a better life. and this part of my memory will always remain as memories, locked deep in a corner of me. i have given what i could. and i guess this is the greatest gift i can give myself this christmas and the best present for you this birthday. at least we've crossed paths before. that's enough.(:

happy birthday to you. really takecare.