Went to the crematorium just now to pay respects to my late grandpa[Father's side]. I looked at his photo. He died when I was one. I can't remember a single thing about him. Even his photo doesn't look familiar to me.

While mommy was setting the things up, I sat there in front of the little block. I suddenly cried for no reason. Seriously I don't know why I did. Maybe I just thought about the feeling of losing a kin. Then we burnt the incense papers, it rained but we finished anyway. Went back home.

Going carnival at orchard later, just to support Jer. Then going training from there with Kathleen, Sarah and him. Wasting my time slacking off now then homework will be undone, and tests unstudied. Does it matter at all?

Suddenly thought of the IOC thingy. All the things that happened. All the things that I thought I wanted to tell him but know I couldn't. Thinking that I might actually be the third wheel. Which may seem true to many around me. Maybe I don't mean as much to him as he is to me. Doesn't matter. It's not about who I am to him but who he is to me. AH whatever. It's not gonna help anyway. I feel so helpless. Wednesday is coming. IT IS COMING. Oh freak.

Jealous. So what?!