engines of aeroplanes overpowered the sizzling on the hot pan.
there and then, i wonder how it would be if i had stopped you.
how it would be if i had done something instead of nothing.

i am reminded constantly about that tired face of yours.
whether happy or depressed it was always tired.
yes, always exhausted.
and i wondered if there was anything i could do to make it better.
you never showed your incontent nor did you explain yourself.
you always tried to keep quiet about everything.
but you didn't know that it wasn't doing good.
i never knew how i could be better to you.

you keep approaching me nicely.
but i would only repel and be mean.
you cared for me but i cared for none.
you are constantly aware of my needs.
but i turned a deaf ear to yours.

i know it's not right. i knew i had to do something.
i want to hug you right there and then,
and tell you 'i love you'.
tell you i'm sorry for the things i've done which you endured.
not even with any word of complain.

PRIDE.
just a short five-lettered word.
just a word that appears in dictionaries like every other word.
but the thickest barrier that seperates two.
why do i have to let it obstruct me?
why did i let it get the better of me?

i cry everytime you talk to me.
about the things in life, things that had happened.
i keep telling myself you deserved better.
but carrying it out was another thing.
i've destroyed my own chance, hadn't i?

i'm sorry, for not being about to put it down.
i'm sorry, for not letting you know how i actually feel.
sorry. for all the hostile moments with me.
sorry for not being able to walk along with you.
i should have known better.
sorry for not being that perfect daughter that you deserved to have.

just some of my thoughts over some incident that happened just now. i can't even tell them, 'he isn't like that'. i don't even believe that they'd understand what i'll be trying to say. sigh. forget it. i keep trying to change. but it just gets worst. =/. why even bother?

if you were here.