quite pissed today. but feeling quite alright already. good thing i didn't do anything impulsive or i may regret. because it's totally no big deal.

today hadn't been a very good day. with bumps here and there. PLUS, i had been b-tching the whole day. i nearly cursed the 'strings of unpleasant words'. but i didn't which was a good thing. i need to start to be 'lady-like' LOL. can't decide whether to go for the choir chalet. everyone is so not confirmed. i'd really want to tell the seniors if i'm going but i can't. sorry =(.

realized that some things are just out of my own control. and the more i try to forget, the more it comes back to me. the more i yearn, the more i suffer. but. all i want is for people whom are special and important to me to be happy. especially you. the worst thing is, sometimes i cannot even try to do anything to make them smile. and i feel helpless.

DISCLAIMER! : unpleasant paragraph. MEAN and CRUEL language.

and YOU are not even close or close to even being my aquaintance. yet i tried to make things right. and you did not put in any effort and what? expect me to suddenly become close to you? ask why i didn't say whatever i want to say in front of you? it's because i still respect her and i do not want to do anything against her. and why would i even bother to tell you what i feel about you? you are barely my friend and i do not even care about you or what you do. i kept everything else long enough. i don't give a d-mn about what you think about me or what you do to me. DON'T HURT MY FRIEND. don't say my words cut. you caused yourself into this, nobody forced you to be this way. you shut the whole world out yourself. you made people hate you, because you hated them first! it is the same for me. you did pretend that you liked me, didn't you. but infact, that wasn't it. it's not THIS way just for me. ASK AROUND (: . and. don't try to gain sympathy votes, it wouldn't work (: .

daddy is right. i do not have to force myself to like people whom i don't. even though it's mean. okae. but it's really mean. maybe i'll feel bad afterwards. but i am very irritated over the matter. and i can remember it for the rest of my life =x. i wouldn't really wanna keep it in my memory la. pollutes my mind =x. LOL. i do not have a clean mind in the first place but well... =P.