for a moment i am lost for direction. i feel as if i have been defeated so badly. that i feel sick even to hang that curve which goes upwards on my face. i don't even know how messy my life has become. hah. isn't it a little too late to care now? why didn't you realize ealier? why didn't you bloody care earlier!?

why must you come and soothe me during my worst and weakest moment? why must you come and mess with me? why must you act like you actually care? i hate watching you. i hate waiting for you to smile. i hate pretending that you do not exist. i hate thinking how to make it up to you. i hate things which reminds me of you. i hate facing you. i hate even thinking of you. i hate your words, your lies and everything else about you. and i DO hate you that much.

training sucked. and i don't know how long more i'm gonna make it. i just feel like shutting myself out at least for the moment.

i just want a little more attention from you. is that too much to ask for?