OMG!! my looooooooong post is gone! damn.

so i shall start all over again. it's such a cold and !@#$%^&* night. [argh! i still can't believe my post is gone!]

so, i unexpectedly saw this person today. and there's only this other person which can make me feel the same way if i meet, though much less positive. and i'm gonna see this person pretty soon i know. okae, back to the first person. we were like strangers. and you wouldn't want to know why [or rather i wouldn't want to tell you why] didn't really feel anyway intense emotions anymore. just felt that it was kind of wasted [again.. LOL.] but still, there's nothing i can really do to change the things that have been done.

and just wanted to remind everyone [or MYSELF, that is] that memories are the most beautiful things on earth, whether you like it or not. hmm, maybe not the most beautiful.. err.. most.. precious stuff. lol. thinking back, striking off the harsher back part, it was actually nice and err fantasy-like. lol. =x think what.. drama serials? nahh. it was just nice and i-don't-know-how-else-to-describe-it. lol. sometimes i just wonder what if it hadn't been that way. like what if i hadn't been that hopeful? thinking that when there's a will there'll surely be a way. that was my big mistake. but it doesn't really matter now that it's over. and what-ifs are bad for brains. but if that hadn't happened, i wouldn't have known that i had treasured the __ship[i don't know how to call it] that much. well, actually i do treasure all forms of __ships. but some just more than others.

and to think again, it was really kind of shortlived. but it was still nice(: and i'm really thankful for the person's little involvement in my life [though i'm quite sure this feeling is not reciprocated]. because it's another different character/personality i've met. and i really did felt like i was in some drama serials anyway. =x. LOL. exaggerate -_-". hmm. but seriously, getting into friend/relation/whatever-ships are ways to help you learn about people right? err. like before you make the ultimate choice, marriage [lol. which is a little thinking too far judging by the fact that i'm ONLY FOURTEEN]. so yea.. to me, it should be about discovering different people and learning how to deal with them. hell, i had been so wrong in thinking that i can help change someone. and i think i may make the same mistake all over again. but who cares? =x. soo.. it ended right there and then when i hurt this person with my words, i guess, and he got me back by hurting my feelings. it's always fair isn't it?

it's hard to always not hurt anyone. sometimes you get hurt and sometimes you hurt others. sometimes, or rather most of the times, it's just unescapable you know. LOL. which kind of make me try to forgive those who hurt me or something [unless you really did something THAT horrible that i have to be mean. hohoho. =x]. LOL. nooo. i mean it brings me back to this one time when i've hurt someone. i didn't do it delibrately lurh. i'm not that bad. it just happened at the wrong time i guess? lol. it's good that he's happy now, i feel less guilty =x. and i wonder what would've happened if i had gone on with him. but it's good that i didn't commit that greater sin la. i think i would never forgive myself if i cheated on his feelings. you know do unto others what you want others to do unto you. but the main point is, he's really nice. perhaps just the wrong person. lol.

i recall my friend telling me 'i-think-he's-the-one'. don't you always THINK that he/she's-the-one until you really get something going on? that was my thought but now i also have proof. lol. it's not necessarily true because you may look forward to working everything at first. but time goes by you'll just lose the energy unknowingly i guess. it's still quite okae to lose energy but losing faith.. lol. i don't know. that just sound worst. but still, if it's meant to be, it'll happen, just like how if it's yours, it'll always come back to you. and if it's not then you'll find yours or too bad lurh. =x. lol.

crapped loads today just because i saw this one person. that's how much my thoughts go wild. lol. just that i don't happen to always be flowering my thoughts and then putting it up for the world to read.

conf-ing with iceJ* ppl now. bastardo is conf-ing with us but talking to another person on another phone 'you go i don't go' [direct translation] lol. and i guess wednesday's gonna be cool because i know i'll meet with another disaster and i'll die soon. oh well.. just have to learn to deal with it(:

and now i think i finally understand why people who claim that they're in love so the silly things that they do. and i really think i need that person i've been needing.