found photoframe my sis gave last birthday. wanted to fish for a family photo.
so unfortunately, i hit my soft spot. and just saw that so long ago, when we were all so little, things seemed better.
at least than now. got alittle emotional. perhaps because my sis is still in china and won't be back for another ONE1/2 months(and that i miss her) or maybe i just thought that i felt happier and i missed my family (at those times).

so many things happened and i wonder if some of them could be prevented. like how would it be like if home was still like home? and like my cousin didn't become this way and we're still as close as we were? don't know. and now life is just unfolding like in the tv shows. dramatic. painful. lonely? i know there're always some close friends there. but somehow it's hard to explain everything and i don't know why, explaining feels quite superficial to me.

am i making myself feel miserable by actually living in a life full of memories? or maybe i'm too pessimistic. wonder how it's going for him, hope he's okae. not sure, am i supposed to call and ask my grandma?

and seriously i want my sis to be back la. it feels weird without the 'mediator'. because now, every single thing i do seems to be wrong even if it is something i like, every single thought of mine seems evil and every word i say seems to be a lie. and i'm so indecisive that i have to ask for opinions even when i want to repaint my room, alright?

damn. why do i even care?

i believe it's gonna be one-sided again.
i'd rather not start.