i hardly remembered how it used to be. how we used to stand close together and talk about anything and everything. how could i have let it turned this way? how did you become this stranger that i totally didn't know? you didn't even take a look at me. and i could only stare at a distance, wondering again, how did it go so bad. how could i have lost someone, without a cause or any reason? what had i done to deserve to not knowing what went wrong?

didn't they say that nothing is impossible? didn't they assure that things will eventually work out? i tried. i believe i went all out. i did all that i can to save it. i did just the same this time. but why is it happening again? LIARS.

everybody thinks they've got the worst situation. you think you had yours and you had the right to treat me this way. have you even thought about me? AT ALL!?

so you said it was fun to toy with my feelings? it was great to see me struggling to try and save the friendship isn't it? oh, of course i can tell you in the face that it WAS IMPORTANT to me. i wouldn't be the egoist and coward denying that you ever count in my life. you'd just love to see me getting all worked up at your insults won't you? you are trying to start to destroy me inwardly first isn't it? oh, but i have to tell you that's i'm not one bit angry at all. if you're just trying to make me miserable, i won't be. i wished i had told you that whatever had happened wouldn't change our friendship on my part. but i guessed you didn't need it. you're too full of yourself to admit anything at all.

how i had thought it could have worked out. indeed it didn't. you aren't the person i imagined to be and thought i knew. or infact, how could i have thought that i had known you at all?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON.

spent the whole day out. went to SPS carnival in the morning. saw quite a few ppl. made a badge for jason, which proved to be of use, as will be explained later. hung round with the same few ppl, henry, jl and licia they all. there were many changes in the school. but many were kept the same too. kept thinking about how quickly things can change. and how other things remain the same. if you know what i mean. oh well. slacked around at the sit-up boards area. brought back loads of memories. but memories would always be memories, right? =/.

went to BK @ causeway to meet up with liang, tw they all for group study. kind of irritated with liang's attitude. oh well, bought a cake for jason. then my lighter couldn't work, so bought one, which liang later used to spray [the oil inside], whatever that's called, all over the place. glad that we didn't get chased out again like they did earlier. finished homework and headed to PS to celeb jason's BD. pretty tired because of all the improptu suggestions. but had a good meal with them @ pizzahut. then keat onn cheated up about an open-air rooftop and then cheated us again to zonex. argh. i felt so sleepy then. in the end went to j8 and sat around, talked. and the security told us not to sit there. so went to playground somewhere nearby where they went crazy about the merry-go-round. so sat around. i didn't know why but i suddenly became very nervous and couldn't breathe properly at the thought of making the phonecall. but i didn't make it until i was home anyway. left soon enough. felt really exhausted.

i was being answered and hung up on. i felt so tired and disturbed after that. like i can just sleep and not get up anymore. i didn't know what or which way to think anymore. like i had lost my direction, again. it hadn't went the way i thought it would. i don't want to believe in anything anymore. it's just another shortlived friendship which had failed. but how? how on earth can i just let go of it like that?

so the world's really cruel as described. god wants to teach me lessons. but he taught me too many this day. i hope to pull through.

oh, just incase anyone's interested to know. i was talking about two different FRIENDS.

those, are the last of my tears for you. you won't beat me to it.